found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
