My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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