Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
