I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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