Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
