I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
