we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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