I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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