If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
