I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
