i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
