I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
