I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
