If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
