you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
