just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
