remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just had sex bonerless
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
