I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
