I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize