Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
