six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
