Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize