it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
