I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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