remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
