I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
