I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
