I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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