dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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