I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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