I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
