Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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