I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
