I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
