she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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