The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
