she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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