So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
