i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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