It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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