What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
