sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
