Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
