I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
