I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
