I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
