then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
