Nicole vs. Life
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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