yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
