just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
