I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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