The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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