you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
