He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
