R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
wow bdsm is so cute
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