Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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