he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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