I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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