loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
