somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He passed out mid-signature
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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