It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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