i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
