we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize