omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
