Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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