your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
