so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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