guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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