How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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