He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
a search helicopter?!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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