Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
