you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
