The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
