He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
