Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
