Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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