We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
