I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
