These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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