There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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