Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
