life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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