I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
