using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can't put those talents on a resume
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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