I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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