Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
