I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
