What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
