I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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