why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
