Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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