Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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