Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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