i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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