C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
