i need an iv and a liver transplant
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
