Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
