Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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