have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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