Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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