Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
