He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize