why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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