come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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