she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The power of my boobs compel you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would ride that face into the sunset
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
