Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
