My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
