do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
