Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
