so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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