Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
